Coffee

Coffee
Species	Crow
Location	Dinners
Pronouns	They/Them

Coffee is a communist.

Dialogue

Coffee: Why are you reading that?

Omelette: ...Huh? I'm waiting for transit.

Coffee: Sure, but why are you reading that?

Omelette: It's not that bad. It's interesting political theory.

Omelette: Have you read it?

Coffee: I have. It's garbage.

(interact again)

Omelette: What's wrong with new ideas?

Coffee: Nothing at all.

Omelette: You can`t just dismiss it. It addresses actual issues.

Omelette: Like, there`s plenty that works right now, don`t get me wrong.

Omelette: Shared worker profit is functional, government controlled-property, all that...

Omelette: But it SUCKS if you want to start your own business

Omelette: "Fairness" is great, but all that red tape also prevents innovation.

Coffee: Sure, I agree.

Omelette: So? Shouldn't we do something to improve it?

Coffee: I think we should abolish money altogether.

(interact again)

Omelette: Don't tell me you're one of those...

Omelette: How do you imagine society functioning without money?

Omelette: You're gonna barter for every slice you order?

Coffee: No.

Coffee: You create a shared storehouse of all goods and products.

Coffee: Everyone contributes to that storehouse to the extent of their ability,

Coffee: and takes to the extend of their need.

Omelette: Wow, sounds real simple.

Coffee: It is.

Omelette: What if someone decides to steal it all for themselves?

Coffee: Then they pit themselves against all of society.

Coffee: They wouldn't win.

Omelette: What if someone burns down the storehouse?

Coffee: You wouldn't actually keep it all in just one place.

Coffee: We can deflect and theorize all day...

Coffee: I'm just saying, it would work.

Coffee: There's a lot of things to figure out.

Coffee: But ALL systems of government have things to figure out.

(interact again)

Omelette: I'm not convinced

Coffee: Because you're believing garbage.

Omelette: No, it's because it doesn't make sense.

Omelette: Where's the motivation? Why would anyone do anything?

Coffee: The existence of money doesn't fix existentialism either.

Coffee: But in a moneyless society, you're free to explore that on your own terms.

Coffee: Without the demand for profit keeping you on a treadmill.

(interact again)

Omelette: Society would never just transform like that

Omelette: Money solves too many problems too well.

Omelette: I'm telling you, this theory is sound!

Omelette: The issue is that workers have too much power right now.

Omelette: Like, seriously, why should workers share profit equally?

Omelette: People who actually START businesses should profit from their good ideas.

Omelette: Then you could have an economy driven by people's innovation.

Omelette: "Capitalism!"

Coffee: That's seriously the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Coffee: A successful business would consolidate its wealth to just a few people.

Coffee: So you would end up with a tiny ruling class exploiting everyone's labor.

Coffee: And only lucky rich people would ACTUALLY be "free" to have ideas.

Coffee: The rest of us would be stuck working for them.

Omelette: ...

Omelette: Well it's just a theory.

Trivia

• Coffee's conversation with Omelette implies that Picnic is a socialist nation